Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Redneck wine: Booger Swamp wine

There's a new Booger in town

Booger Holler is a sacred site in North Carolina, and Booger Mountain is a leading supplier of Christmas trees (remember their motto “Always pick a Booger”).



Booger Mountain is a multi-million dollar business, and many North Carolina natives resent the mass-marketing of Booger Mountain Christmas trees. I love the signs the competitors use, reminding us: “Don’t pick a Booger”:



Anyway we now see this new Booger, Booger Swamp wine!

Introducing Booger Swamp Wine

A fantastic new white wine blend has appeared in North Carolina and it’s taking the state by storm. Sold by Brushy Mountain wineries, the new wine is dubbed “Booger Swamp”.



Here, they explain the choice of Booger Swamp for the name of this great new wine:

"During the Civil War, people living in the vicinity of Booger Swamp (an area southeast of Elkin on state roads to Yadkinville), used the swamp as a hiding place whenever Yankee troops passed through the area. For protection, the people told their children not to go in the swamp because “boogers” or spirits, lived there and would get them if they did.

Since the Civil War, the name has continued for the general area. There is a Booger Swamp Road today. Recently, a woman came into the tasting room and said that when she was a little girl, her parents told her that “boogers” and people without heads lived in the swamp. This was to keep them from taking short cuts as they came home from school.

Again, this seemed a rather charming and historically appropriate name for our really fine white blend.


Now, there's a pick where you cannot go wrong:

Monday, October 29, 2007

One-armed golfers make the best golf instructors

One armed golfers are the BEST!

If you want to learn golf properly, you cannot beat a one-armed PGA Master Professional. Being a one-armed golfer required incredible talent, and I’ve never seen a better instructor than Brad Clayton, the one-armed golfer.

Brad has a new golf book coming out next year that shows some great tips for achieving the perfect swing. Brad’s golf Zone also has a state-of-the-art learning area with video feedback, critical to any beginner:


The lab at the Golf Zone in Oxford

It’s incredible to see a one-armed golfer smash a long drive out-of-sight, and it inspires confidence, and demonstrates that the art of the long drive is more about form than raw muscle.

The gals go crazy for Brad’s handsome looks and natural charm, and ir does not hurt that he is a super-nice fellow, too:


Brad Clayton
A one-armed PGA Professional


One armed golfers gain national attention

This TIME Magazine article on the amazing one-armed golfers notes that one-armed golfers face incredible challenges and it discuss the North American One-Armed Golfer Association:


The one armed golf team

"Having one arm is difficult for balance, hard for timing and hard for getting the clubhead in the right spot at impact,"

Brad Clayton is very active in donating his time to teach golf to disabled war veterans, and I can’t say enough nice things about him. We are going to encourage Brad to enroll in this one-armed tournament, and whether he plays of not, it’s going to be a fantastic pre-show to the Ryder Cup.

Poodle Topiary Grooming

Poodle Topiary

American dog owners go to great lengths to pamper their pooches, but Poodle Topiary is the latest US fad.

This contest show how creative folks can use Poodles as topiary, sculpturing them into fascinating designs:

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Hotel nudity causing problems

If the low exchange rate were not enough to keep you away from Jolly Ole England, we now see reports of a 70% increase of naked Brits roaming the halls of major British hotel chains:

To most Americans, all we know about this England country is what we see on TV, relying on shows like Graham Norton and Benny Hill to teach us about our British cousins.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Word 2007 has arrived

For years, Microsoft has been promising to offer-up XML tagged documents, a Godsend to business professionals who want interoperability when sharing documents with the non-Microsoft world.

But bend over and spread your cheeks, Bill Gates has done us again.

Internally, the Microsoft Office 2007 XML files are a collection of xml files (and images) that are zipped into one file, in a format completely unknown to any word processor on the planet except, of course Word 2007.

In order to keep-up their mandate to American businesses zillions of dollars in lost productivity, Billy Gates has chosen to make the default file types as docx, requiring millions of people to upgrade to Word 2007 or go through time-consuming and annoying conversion processes.

As hundreds of millions of people struggle with this, the total waste will surpass entire lifetimes.
Read more about this onerous implementation, one that will cost hundreds of years of lost productivity:

http://www.dba-oracle.com/t_word_2007_docx_file_conversion.htm

Gullible netizens

They say that over 500 million new people will get on the web in the next few years. Let's get ready for the newbies:

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Double entendre web site names!

In our web-enabled world, it can often be a problem when mashed-up URL names take-on double entendre status.



Check-out some of the funniest double-meaning URL and web site names here:

Double Meaning URL's

Friday, October 19, 2007

North Carolina Man disarms robber

In this amazing video we see a brave North Carolina man who successfully fought for his life. The crook tried to murder him (the gun misfired), and he fought back, all caught on video surveillance tape! Don't miss the Today Show video.


Mitch Penneau - NC hero

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Order gourmet food on the web

I live in the gastronomic wasteland of rural North Carolina where all foods are bland and deep fried, creating a dire dining situation that calls for extreme creativity.

One benefit in being in an exclusive country club is that you share a private restaurant with a small group and you can get personal attention from a classically-train executive chef.

At our private restaurant the members have their own food lockers where they can keep their personal delectables.


Texas BBQ by mail

Some folks keep caviar and Dom, while some stash a few bottles of Ch√Ęteau Mouton Rothschild for special occasions, but I stock-up with fine foods that are not easily obtained, like USA truffles.


USA truffles are superior to frog truffles

Some folks like Kobe beef, but don’t want Japanese beef. Fortunately you can now get USA Kobe beef, delivered by mail, overnight. Allen’s sells two Kobe rib eye steaks by mail for only $139.95, a great deal.


Kobe beef is now in the USA

You can also check-out imported cheeses from Cheeses of Nazareth.



Read more about buying gourmet chow on the web here:

http://www.dba-oracle.com/t_gourmet_food_online.htm

Friday, October 12, 2007

Redneck Antipasto

A fine cheese platter is not limited to those who can afford imported cheeses and you can create a passable cheese plate with local ingredients.

Slim Jim's can pass for salami, spam is reminiscent of the Italian bologna, and Cheese Whiz adds a decorative touch.

Add some juliened pickled eggs are you have the perfect white trash appetizer.



Read more about redneck gourment dining here:

http://www.dba-oracle.com/redneck_cuisine.htm

http://www.dba-oracle.com/t_cheese_course.htm

Friday, October 05, 2007

Inept DBA's destroy databases!

In this age of unbreakable software and super-reliable hardware, human error is responsible for the vast majority of unplanned outages.



Sadly, the problem is getting worse, and we see an alarming increase in willful deception, "fake Oracle experts", whose goal is to fleece the unsuspecting IT shop.

The fly-by-night "poser experts" carefully hide their resumes and verifiable work history, others resort to outright deception, like scumbags who create fictional Oracle experts, complete with a photograph and convincing credentials!

The problem of inexperience and human error has several root causes. On one hand we see desperate job candidates who "puff" their job experience, often claiming that their unpaid years of dabbling with Oracle on a PC constitutes real experience.




Read more about how bad DBA's destroy databases.