Sunday, February 24, 2008

Bad SQL Server database advertising

Man, this Microsoft SQL Server ad is just ridiculous.

Note to self: Run buy some more shares of Oracle:


SQL Server Gal - Yes Dorothy, it's really that lame

“Between the crime fighting, the volunteerism, and the press engagements, SQL Server Gal has barely had time to learn her ninth language (Lithuanian) or work on her collection of 17th century quill pens (her most recent addition being the one Spinoza used when drafting his seminal work Tractatus Theologico-Politicus).”

Friday, February 22, 2008

Foreign thieves steal my web site

Foreign thieves again

I just found this today, some Indian fellow who stole my whole web page and copyrighted it in his name. It also says that I work for these foreign creeps now!

“Angtech remote DBA is managed by Donald K. Burleson, one of the world’s leading Oracle consultants and authors”



These people are crooks.

Read more about the foreigners who steal intellectual property.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

World record sale price at Arabian horse auction!

World record set for Polish Arabian horse!

The highest price paid at auction in history, 2.8 million dollars for a Bask-bred Arabian, Baske Afire, a Bask great-grandson, at the Scottsdale auction!

His new owner is Barbara Chur of Strawberry Banks Farm in New York

Interestingly, Baske Afire is an Afire Bey V son (and, of course, a Huck grandson)! The previous record was *Muscat, who went for only two million back in the 1970’s.


Baske Afire - Sold for $2,800,000.00

Prices are coming up again for Bask Polish horses, a good sign with all of our Bask bloodlines. Check out this CNN video, a beautiful stallion, all action, high action.

Baske Afire Video

I’ll bet his stud fees are going up soon, very soon.

Polish Performance Power!

Burleson Arabians is dedicated to breeding the Polish Arabian Performance horse, pure Polish Performance Power . . . . Too many halter horses are bred exclusively for looks, resulting in too much type and not enough action:


Too much dish?

Our horses, Successor, Praetor, Sarah, Rye, are also *Bask grandchildren, but not the same exact line as Baske Afire, but the same breed standard nonetheless . . . .

Our Bask Afire was the son of the most popular paring of all-time, the *Bask x Susecion cross. Note his level croup, which belies his extreme high action, quite decaptive to find a hose with both beauty and power:


Bask Afire

Our Bask grandson Successor, has also won numerous championships:


Suscessor - A *Bask Grandson

It's great to know that all of our linebreeding research has been replicated by other top breeders and that Polish Arabians have such interest in the market again.

Maybe it’s time to start consigning at auctions again . . . . . Nah, it would be like selling a family member . . . . .

Golf Maximum score per hole

Every golfer has to deal with the occasional bad hole where a double-digit score unfairly skews their handicap and ruin their round. Many golf professionals insist that you should always record your actual strokes, no matter how bad, but the USGA has rules on this issue.

I once saw a fellow toss 8 golf balls into a water hazard, determined to make it over from where his ball landed, all because he had seen Tiger do it on TV!

Equitable Stroke Control (ESC) is the maximum allowed individual hole scores to more accurately represent a player's scoring "potential", and forgiving a bad hole!


It's very embarassing to have a nightmare hole, but at the same time, one bad hole should not skew your scores on the other holes.




Your Handicap Maximum stroke score per hole

up to 9 Double Bogey
10 through 19 7
20 through 29 8
30 through 39 9
40 or higher 10

Read more about how to determine your maximum score per hole:

http://www.dba-oracle.com/golf_travel/golf_score_maximum_per_hole.htm

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Let's get tough on hackers

I have many clients with web sites and it never ceases to amaze me how much bandwidth on the web is dedicated to criminal activities.



IN a security test for a client, we put out a “honey pot” (an enticing web site), and watched as hackers found the web site in less than 30 minutes, and we watched them break in and do their dirty work!



The guy even upgraded the release of Linux on the server, so that his Viagara spam script would work!

This New York Times article “Make Big Profits Illegally (and Maybe Keep Them, Too)”, shows the epidemic of hacking, and now we see that the hacker and criminals are being rewarded, due to ludicrous loopholes in the SEC laws. THIS IS NOT RIGHT:

“Dorozhko’s alleged ‘stealing and trading’ or ‘hacking and trading’ does not amount to a violation” of securities laws, Judge Naomi Reice Buchwald of United States District Court ruled last month.

Although he may have broken laws by stealing the information, the judge concluded, “Dorozhko did not breach any fiduciary or similar duty ‘in connection with’ the purchase or sale of a security.” She ordered the S.E.C. to let him have his profits.”



Let's get tough on crooks

China attacks US government systems daily, and the hackers know that there are no consequences for their acts. It’s time to change that.

“The judge appreciated the absurdity of the situation, and expressed disappointment that the Justice Department had not brought criminal charges for computer hacking.

The government has offered no explanation for that, but it is possible the department saw no likelihood of ever being able to arrest Mr. Dorozhko, and did not think the case worth the trouble.”


If we got the CIA to start killing these web criminals, maybe the word would get out. Plus, the US should start enforcing laws against those who make money with tools that aid and abet web criminals.


Some good books can be abused by bad guys

eBay had become a den of thieves, and the webopolies do not have the best interests of the American consumer in-mind.



Why do we have laws against aiding and abetting a criminal if they are not enforced?

“A criminal charge of aiding and abetting or accessory can usually be brought against anyone who helps in the commission of a crime, though legal distinctions vary by state.

A person charged with aiding and abetting or accessory is usually not present when the crime itself is committed, but he or she has knowledge of the crime before or after the fact, and may assist in its commission through advice..."

For more on the legal issues on the web, see my book "Web Stalkers":

Monday, February 11, 2008

The Real Guitar Hero!

In this age where kids play “pretend guitar” with Guitar Hero II, it’s refreshing to see kids like my son who have the Moxie (*) to get out there and play in a real band, in Andy’s case, Hot John Stockton.

As to the silly Guitar Hero game, it’s for losers. They need a better game for losers, with instruments that losers can identify with:



It takes guts to go out and play in a crowded student ghetto bar, and I give him a lot of credit.

Here are some Youtube videos of Andy Burleson’s new band “Hot John Stockton”:

- Hot John Stockton live!

- Hot John Stockton rocks the house!

Me, I played cymbals in high school band, and I’m glad to see that he picked a better instrument that I did.



Andy is gonna make a great attorney, he loves to argue. A chip of the old block, I remember the fun of confronting religious weirdo’s with their own warped logic.

Andy abuses a warped religious nut.

After watching this, I wondered about his Faith, and I was surprised to see a Bible on the seat of his pickup truck. I asked him about it and he said that he used it when he went to a costume party dressed as a Christian!!! Oh well, it's a start, I suppose . . . .

His picture reminds me of the cover for the Faith + 1 album, very dark and brooding, the essence of cool!




Andy has always been a talented musician. He plays a mean jazz trombone, piano and guitar, both electric lead and bass.



It looks like he has screaming groupies too:



Having inherited my smarts and good looks, Andy can’t lose:






I love Gary Larson’s cartoons, and this one hits the nail right on the head:

It’s like those DeVry ads on TV, suggesting that morons can learn to write advanced graphics for video games. The stupidity of the average American never ceases to surprise me. DeVry is a joke. I know graduates with degrees in computer science who never learned to program in any language. Contrast that with MIT, where programming skills are not considered college-level learning, and they expect you to be proficient in C before class starts.

Anyway, I’m glad to see there is room for real musicians:



(*) It takes Moxie

Moxie is a noxious-tasting soda where the slogan began “It takes Moxie”, to refer to someone with the guts to drink this nasty concoction.

According to M. Allen Greenbaum, Moxie was originally a “tonic”, a usual practice to tout the health benefits of anything that tastes really bad:

“Doctor Thompson, Moxie's inventor, began the Moxie Nerve Food Company in Lowell, Massachusetts, which advertised the drink as a safe "... nerve food known that can recover brain and nervous exhaustion, loss of manhood, imbecility and helplessness.”



You can still buy this noxious brew on Amazon, but with S&H, a six pack will set you back more than $70 dollars.



Let me wrap-up with a good ole Redneck story:

Two rednecks walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the rednecks looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The redneck walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the redneck walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says:

'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

A golf celebrity visits the ranch!

Most golfers know what they want in a residential pitch and putt, and when I decided to move forward with my project, I needed someone that I could trust to manage the project, an honest PGA professional with unimpeachable credentials, industry contacts and the savvy to get the residential course done right, on-time and under budget.

We trusted Brad Clayton, a PGA Master professional to help us navigate the labyrinthine maze of complex tasks.


Brad Clayton

We were thrilled to have a celebrity at the ranch, none other than Rick Robbins, a designer of some of the world best golf courses.

Rick had a few days break from his work in China, and it was great fun to hear his tales of jetting around the globe in a Learjet G3 with his good friend Jack Nicklaus.


Rick Robbins takes charge!

Rick was Jack Nicklaus' Senior Design Associate and his latest course, the Mill Creek Golf Club in Mebane, North Carolina was named, "Best New Course" in North Carolina by the golf panel of North Carolina magazine.

Rick was able to advise landscapers on the best turf (419 Bermuda in our case), and the best artificial turf for the putting and chipping areas. Rick as also able to advise us on the best sand for our traps.

Right now, it’s all plowed ground, but taking shape quickly:


The first hole - A tabla rasa

Sadly, Rick was unable to advise us on how to keep the barn cats from using the sand trap as a litter box, and one of our ranch hands will have to scoop it out every day.


Cat's suck

Brad is an amazing golf instructor. He lost his own right arm, but he does not let his handicap prevent him from being one of the best golf teachers I've ever worked with. Brad also donates his time to teach veteran amputees, a charitable service that has brought the joy of golf to worthy wounded servicemen and women. We have decided to invest in a golf book by him:


Brad Clayton's golf book

Read more about our evolving pitch and putt course here:

http://dba-oracle.com/golf_travel/golf_residential_course.htm

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Cruise ship quack doctors

Most cruise passengers don’t realize that the cruise lines provide medical care as a courtesy only, and they are not required to staff their facilities with qualified American doctors or nurses. You must carefully vet their medical training and certifications before consenting to medical treatment, your life might depend on it.

Under ancient maritime and admiralty law, the captain appoints a ship doctor. They often chose the cook, since they were good with knives.



I have many clients through the Caribbean and over the years I’ve learned to always ask for a M.D., when I am in need of any medical assistance. I have experienced horrendous care by “doctors” overseas, including one physician who told my wife that her joint inflammation was due to her unforgiven sins, and prescribed that she bath in the blood of Jesus Christ!


Foreign physicans are quacks

I recently had a serious injury on a cruise ship, and I knew that I was going to be in trouble when the cruise ships "doctor" reminded me of the dumb-looking guy who works at my local hippie herbal cure store.


Would you trust an African doctor?

Me: “Are you an M.D.?”

Quack: “I’m a doctor”.

Me: “So was my College History Professor”, I replied.

Me: “I'll ask you again: Are you an M.D.? It's a simple question, you are either an M.D. or you aren't.”

Quack: No response. . . .




In the cruise ship medical facility, my wife is trying to reach a "real doctor" while I was bombarded with a bunch of half-English babble.

Quack doctor: “Do you take Blutiners?"

Me: “What is Blutiner”? I've never heard of the word.

Quack doctor: “You speak English”, he replied in an underserved arrogant tone. "You need to be cooper rahtive".

Me: "Cooper-ah-tive? What the F**k does cooper-rahtive mean"? (The idiot was trying to say cooperative)


Don't suffer fools gladly when vetting a foreign doctor

I was then told that I had only three choices:

1. Refuse treatment
2. Accept their treatment
3. Be "put off the ship"to find a real doctor on my own. At this point I had visions of being sent adrift on a lifeboat.

After all, I asked myself, how bad could they screw-up a simple IV line and meds?





Read more of my notes on the perils of foreign doctors on cruise ships.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Real redneck art is now available online

Yes, it's true. Rare Redneck Art is now available online!

I’m excited to announce that Rampant TechPress has acquired rights to an an exclusive engagement with renowned redneck artist Travis Carter.

See my notes here on how to make your own authentic redneck art.

Yes, it’s Travis Carter himself, one of Rocky Ford’s premier redneck artists, available to create investment quality 21st century folk art.


The Travis Carter Fine Art Center
Franklinton, North Carolina, USA


Redneck Art - The 21st century American Folk Art Movement

Anything made by a poor country person has intrinsic art value, with prices reaching over a million dollars for the rarest Colonial blue-collar Americana. But this was all due to savvy marketing. Calling it “Old poor folks stuff” did not sell well, so the sellers re-named it rare American folk art, and the market exploded.

Tell me honestly, what do you think about the intrinsic artistic talent of this 1817 redneck?

See, redneck art is the next incarnation of the folk art movement, the 21st century equivalent of samplers and hard-carved ivory powder horns.

For investment redneck folk art, the trick is to identify the redneck art that will become tomorrow’s valuable antique art. But where can you find a worthy redneck artist? Fear not, I’ve done the work for you.

Travis is a redneck’s redneck, with all of the charm and good taste that you expect from a top-shelf redneck artist.


Travis Carter

It’s the redneck doorbell ("Doe bell"™), re-worked and modernized for the 21st century red neck estate:


Original Redneck Art "Doe Bell"

But it’s not like other investment art that you put in your safe deposit box for safe keeping; you can proudly display your investment in redneck art. Having a distinctly redneck doorbell send a message to the whole world about your taste and good breeding.

We are also exploring the market for redneck bobblehead, and redneck gift baskets, a taste of home, shipped anywhere across the globe. I like the design of the redneck bobblehead, and I hope that people don’t think of me as being a “poser”, and unworthy of the coveted title of Redneck:


The Don Burleson redneck bobblehead – coming soon

This is a real offer

American Butt art does not get any better than this. Upon your order, Travis will select the butt that meets your needs and customize your "doe bell" with the orifices of your choice.

I suspect that many of you are thinking “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is”. Well, THIS IS NOT A GAG. Just click the “Buy It Now” button, and you will get a custom deer doorbell, designed by Travis Carter himself!

* Please allow 2-4 weeks for delivery. (The deer don't give up their butts without a fight.)

Grow your own truffles!

You don’t have to send cash to unfriendly foreign countries to enjoy black truffles anymore; this pungent and precious fungi is now being grown right here in good ole’ redneck North Carolina.

WARNING! Despite the grandiose claims by Garland Truffles that it’s reasonable to make $25,000 per acre growing truffles, there are many well-documented failures. Our bottom line was that while there is a promise of $25k/acre yield, and daily hand-weeding and care for the years preceding the harvest can easily eat-up the profits . . .

The State of North Carolina department of Agriculture did a $250,000 truffle grant in 2003 and the results for the foirst truffle harvest will be available in 2009.

See my updated truffle notes here, and DO NOT pay for a visit to Garland Truffles (they charged me over $1,000 for my group) until you have checked the NC State data from their truffle grants.

Garland Truffles of Hillsborough NC offers trees, tips and techniques, and Franklin Garland has been talking about the potential for North Carolina to become one of the finest truffle growing regions of the world. By golly, this sounds way better than growing soybeans:

“The optimal site for a truffle orchard is an open area with good southern exposure. It should be free of trees and roots for preferably a year or more prior to planting but with a minimum of six months. Up to a 15 degree slope is acceptable.

A buffer strip between the edge of the orchard and adjacent trees is necessary to avoid contamination from other tree roots.”


But it’s not a fast crop, and you must wait 5 years for the first harvest:

“The first few truffles in an one acre or larger orchard usually appear in the fifth year after planting.

On rare occasions orchards have come into full production after four years, but in general it is not until the eighth year that production levels are reached, about 50 to 75 pounds per year.

Food snobs pay big bucks for these black fungus, and Mr. Garland suggests that the revenue can be easily $25k per acre, far better than tobacco:

“Prices have climbed steadily for the last 10 years due to rising demand and limited production. The low has been $350 per pound, with current season commanding over $2000 per pound in some markets.

Certainly $500 per pound is completely realistic, and at a minimum of 50 lbs per acre, this amounts to $25,000 (gross) per year/per acre. We are selling truffles this season for $800 per pound.”

Garlands offers both Filbert and Oak trees infused with truffle’s fungus for as little as $25 each. We love oak trees, so we are going to try a few acres this spring, and hopefully in 5 years we can harvest.

They also recommend a truffle pig, but I’m sure that I can train a truffle pony to sniff out these pungent edibles.


Always keep your ass out of the refrigerator

The problem will be keeping the ponies away from the crop, so that we can use the land for grazing. These little guys have a voracious appetite:


Scout, the hungry pony

Twinkie, one of our guide horse dwarfs loves wild onions, and we will surely need fencing around the truffle trees:


Twinkie loves wild onions

We plan to plant this spring, so stay tuned. . . .

North Carolina is the only place outside of Europe to successfully cultivate truffles, and it has the potential to become a multi-billion dollar a year crop.

The North Carolina Agriculture department did a truffle grant of a quarter million dollars six years ago, and the truffle farms should be mature next spring.

I have notes here on the state of truffles in North Carolina, and while I’m under a strict NDA, this could be the start of something HUGE!

A visit to the secret truffle farm

No joke, if truffle cultivation is shown to be feasible, it could mean billions in revenue to North Carolina, and the farmers are being very secretive, especially since the truffle trees take at least five years to mature. It’s a long term investment with high risk, and high rewards!

Planting Carolina Truffles can be tricky. The optimal site for a truffle orchard is an open area with good southern exposure, free of trees and roots for preferably a year or more prior to planting but with a minimum of six months. Up to a 15 degree slope is acceptable. European truffle farming history has shown that the middle ground between the trees, beneath the drip lines of the canopy, is where the roots meet, the ground is highly acidic and truffles grow aplenty.


You need a truffle dog/pig to sniff out your treasures

On rare occasions orchards have come into full production after four years, but in general it is not until the eighth year that production levels are reached.

But the good news is that production levels are about 50 to 75 pounds per year/ per acre and a mature, well-maintained; 1-acre orchard can produce up to 100 pounds per year for at least 30 years.


Left to right: Jennifer Burleson, Talmidge Burgess, Jimmie Gray, Richard Garland, Ben Kittleson

When evaluating this potential investment, I chose my team for their talents:

Jennifer - A degree in Marketing and a taste for the finer things in life
Tallmidge - A working NC farmer who manages thousands of acres
Jimmie - A superb culinary master chef
Ben - A college student, chosen because college students know it all

So here we are, at the moment of truth. If the NC Agricultural grants works out, North Carolina may shift from being the tobacco capital of the world to the truffle capital! Best of all, we will be taking market share from American enemies in France!