Beauty contests for rednecks

At first I was not sure if this was real, but sho-nuff, it’s a real-deal redneck beauty contest!

I like the winner, a white trash beauty:

2009 cruise ship smoking rules

Ever since a smoker started a fire aboard the Star Princess, fire that killed one passenger and destroyed 79 cabins, the cruise lines have been cracking-down on smoking.

I quit smoking six months ago, but I was giving a cruise as a thank-you gift, and they both smoke like chimneys.

Here are the smoking rules for 2008-2009 from what I granked off the interweb:

Cruise lines that allow smoking on your cabin:

Princess - Smoking is permitted in cabins, including balconies, on the open decks and in designated areas in most public rooms.

Norwegian Cruise Line - Smoking is permitted in cabins, on open decks, and in casinos and cigar bars.

Crystal - Smoking is permitted in cabins, on open decks, and in designated smoking areas in most bars and lounges.

Cunard - Smoking is permitted in cabins, including balconies, and in the designated smoking sections of most bars and lounges. In addition, all restaurants aboard Queen Elizabeth 2 except the Princess Grill feature small smoking sections.

Holland America –Smoking is permitted in cabins, on the open decks and in designated smoking areas in most public rooms.

Costa - Smoking is permitted on the open decks, in cabins, including balconies, and in designated smoking areas in most public rooms.

Balcony smoking only:

Royal Caribbean - Smoking is permitted only on cabin balconies, on the starboard side of open decks and in the designated smoking areas of public rooms.

No smoking in stateroom cabin:

Celebrity - Designated indoor areas where passengers can smoke cigarettes include the port side of one lounge per ship and a designated slot machine area in each ship's casino. Other outdoor areas include the port side of the pool deck and sundecks on each ship.

Carnival - Smoking is permitted in casinos, dance clubs, piano bars and other live music venues, as well as designated areas on open decks.

Disney - No smoking in cabin. Smoking is permitted on the starboard side of all open decks (except near Mickey's Pool) and cabin balconies.

Hunting baby whales

Janet and I were in Greenland recently and we had a great time exploring the spectacular scenery, very wild and unspoiled by humans:



One day we hired a native guide and took a ride into the frontier and came upon a spectacular site of a baby whale feeding in an isolated Ocean inlet:


The baby whale is at center, bottom

It was remarkable, not a human anywhere in sight, pristibe nature at it's finest. But the mood was soon spolied. Within minutes of our seeing the baby whale our Eskimo guide was on his sat phone, telling his friends the exact location of this baby, soon to become a tasty treat:


Baby whale feeding in a Greenland inlet

It was neat to get so close to a wild whale, but sad to know that it was soon going to die a violent death:



Janet threw a fit abnout killing a baby, but we learned that the Eskimo’s have full rights to hunt and eat whales, and that a nice baby whale will feed their village for weeks.



They even serve whale and baby seal in the finer restaurants in Greenland, and seal clubbing is the approved method of dispatching baby seals!



Our guide laughed at Janet and dais that the whales are killed instantly with special whale guns and the death of the baby whale would be quick, painless and delicious. The good taste of baby whale may all be relative, since these people also eat sea birds which taste beyond nasty:


Yummy seagulls for sale at a Greenland market

See my notes here on visiting Greenland.

The human instinct to seek out faces

Psychological studies have confirmed that the brains of infants are hardwired to recognize human faces. Just like a ducking knows how to swim by instinct, humans have an instinct to seek out human faces.

This instinct was the result of natural selection as babies must have a desire to be “cute”, and gaze into their mothers face. If babies were not cute, no doubt they would have been eaten by their parents.

Our instinct to search for faces leads to some interesting “illusions”. For example, consider this un-altered Victorian tintype photograph:



Most people see the man and woman with the face of Jesus sandwiched between them.
But that’s our instincts playing tricks.

Take a closer look at the “eye” of the Jesus face, which is in-reality the face of an infant sitting in the man’s lap!

To see the "real" image: "block out the head’s “hair” with your finger. That’s just a collection of foliage in the background. The “eye” is the face the child, shadowed by a large white bonnet. The “nose” is the sleeve of the child’s shirt. And the “mustache” is the child’s arm, bent at the elbow".

This is an excellent example of innate instinct in-action.

Choosing the best putter

Choosing the best putter is a very personal decision. There is an old golf saying that goes “marry your driver, date your putter”, and that advice is well-founded.

Most golfers choose a new putter every year, while others have a tried-and-true putter.

Choosing the right putter for you is critical since the putter is the most important club in your bag.

More strokes are lost on the green than anywhere else, and the choice of putter can make the difference between playing bogie golf and a getting the high handicap award!



The putter is a very personal choice. The putter shaft can be short or very long, the face can be heavy or light, and there are an amazing array of putter choices.

For complete details on choosing the right putter for you, see my notes here for choosing the best putter.

Inappropriate childrens Christmas toys

Each year we see more inappropriate children’s toys and after China attempted to poison Americans with toys we must always be on the lookout for inappropriate children’s Christmas toys.

Last year I focused on some inappropriate Christmas toys.



An inappropriate child’s Christmas present would include any toy that present a danger or engaging in dangerous activities.


While these shopped images are fun, we need to remember to ensure that all kid’s Christmas toys are appropriate for their age.

The best golf tees

Ever since the first ancient golfer teed-up his leather ball on a mound of wet sand, the golf industry has been obsessed with the best golf tees.

Golf is a game where the players tend to have a high disposable income, and golf tees are yet another way to relieve a golfer from their money.

I highly recommend Oakhurst Links in West Virginia, America's oldest golf course, where you are required to use hickory clubs, gutta percha balls and sand tees.


The original golf tees were wet sand

The best golf tees are not easy to find. Everyone is hawking the features of their golf tees, and it's hard to separate the hype from the reality. Even Tiffany offers a $250 golf tee!

There are some common misconceptions about golf tees, especially the idea that the tee creates drag on your swing. This is nonsense, plus the low-drag gold tees are very difficult to use.

My golf coach is PGA Master professional Brad Clayton. Brad is an amazing one-armed golfer, and one of the top golf coaches on the planet and we love his "puzzle duck" teaching program:


The best one-armed PGA pro in America

Brad teaches that the ideal height for a golf ball is 1.5x the height of the driver and this requires a long tee.


Today's fat drivers require extra-long tees

Brad has these great notes on using tees:

“Most people swing up on the ball {not desirable, but fact}; when the ball is teed up there is more room to get the leading edge of the golf club below the equator of the ball. This makes getting the ball in the air easier. . .

I am of the opinion that if you miss a drive, miss it low. This means low on the club face and also in flight. A ball teed lower {approximately half or less of the ball should be above the top line of the driver face} and struck lower will tend to go straighter and roll further, so your misses will be more in control and also lose little distance if not struck perfectly.

A ball missed high on the face will tend to float and be more influenced by wind. Give me a low penetrating flight any day over a high floating ball. So, tee your balls lower and get more control.“

What's the best golf tee?

In my humble opinion, the Callaway "eterni tee" is my pick for the best golf tee. They cost a few dollars each, but they last forever, and these tees are designed with the golfer in-mind. They are sturdy enough to drive into hard winter soil, the blade at the bottom is perfect for repairing ball marks on the green and the tee blade tip is small enough to clean dirt from your club grooves:


Callaway eterni-tees

Read my full notes here on how to choose the best golf tee.

Oh, and let's not be taken-in by all of the novelty golf tees:

The glut of cruise ships!

My first cruise back in 1981 was on the SS Norway (formerly and SS France), at the time billed as the largest cruise ship afloat.



Now, a short 25 years later, the Norway is a wreck; a burned-out hulk awaiting dismantling in India:



I wonder if this will be the fate of the newest generation of cruise ships?

This week’s Businessweek article Too Many Love Boats notes that these billion dollar cruise ships will be entering a glutted market:

“The travel industry is in its worst slump since the September 11 terrorist attacks seven years ago.

To lure customers, cruise lines are slashing prices, eliminating fuel surcharges, and redirecting ships from exotic locations to ports that don't require expensive air travel.”

I’ll be among the 6,000 passengers on the first sailing of the Genesis class ships because I want to see how this idea of billion dollar floating cities turns out.

The Oasis of the Seas is underway, and the long-awaited “central park” area is taking shape:


Looks great on paper

Conceptual illustrations make the Genesis Oasis "Central Park" an amazing open space at sea:



But the real Central Park looks less glamorous:



The Oasis has lots of features including redneck features:

"Longer than an aircraft carrier, the $1.5 billion vessel will feature seven "neighborhoods" including a Central Park with outdoor cafés, as well as a boardwalk with a tattoo parlor and fortune teller."

How to get your kids to visit at Christmas:

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says,

"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced.

Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

Family Guy Sang!

Family Guy Sings was created to support the Writers Guild of America (WGA), a great new singing event with all proceeds going to the WGA.



The real show as all about Seth McFarlane, a talented vocalist who moved seamlessly between his voices for Stewie, Brian the dog and Peter Griffin. He minute he flashes his smile, you know that Seth is a smart-ass, in this case, a $100m very-smart-ass.

In addition to having a wicked sense of humor, McFarlane is a skilled pianist and singer who in his early years trained with Frank Sinatra's vocal coach. The tiny midget Seth Green (of Entourage fame) was also comic relief, voicing Chris Griffin.

McFarlane was dress-out well in a well-tailored suit with a crisp white shirt, but the effect was ruined with his sneakers which made is pants look weird and puffy, like a creepy old man. It was clear that McFarlane was a tad nervous at first, but he hit his stride later in the show.

Seth Macfarlane has had a lucky life. He was booked on doomed Flight 11 on 9/11/2001, the plane that crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade center!

He missed a one-way trip to ground zero due to having a bad hangover . . . Imagine the survivors guilt.

As you might expect, the croud was roudy and McFarland did a great job keeping the hecklers in control mocking them "Do you think that you are at home? You are in F**king Carnegie Hall".


Mc Farlane singing a Stewie/Brian duet

There are very few events in Carnegie Hall that are "wicked classy", but this one was unique. Everyone I spoke with said that the show was an hour too long. It would have been better with a half-hour eposide, or at least a new episode, so as not to bore people. Even the cast readers were bored, playing with their PDA's. From my view, hald the audience was also multi-tasking . . .

The "special" event, the singing of the Cleveland Show Theme song was runied by bad acoustics, and you could not hear the words!

The shows were held at Carnegie Hall on Monday, November 24 & Tuesday, November 25, 2008, before a packed house, including a few too-many 11 years olds, one of whom had snagged a front-row seat . . .


Who takes an 11 year old to Cargegie Hall?

Left to right, we see the voices of Cleveland, Meg, Chris, Lois and Peter/Brian/Stewie, plus some 11 year old whose parents are no doubt answering questions from Child Protective Services . . .

The show highlights were his renditions of the “Freaking FCC”, and watching the ladies voice the "embarrassing" lines, like when pretty Mila Kunis was speaking lustfully to a pack of hot dogs . . .
This was a perfect chance to introduce our kids to haute couture, and we took them shopping for fancy duds so they did not feel out-of-place in Carhegie Hall:


Andy with his new leather coat


Jen with her "Coach" bag

Jen is beaming in her new outfit, and she thinks that her Coach bag is real . . .

See my full notes here on Family Guy sings!