Saturday, September 23, 2006

Michael Jackson endorses Leprechaun Theme Park

In the weird news category, we see that Michael Jackson is rallying support in Ireland to build an amusement park featuring leprechauns.

“Michael is deadly serious about this idea,” a source told Ireland’s Daily Mirror. “He loves the whole idea of leprechauns and the magic and myths of Ireland. It would cost around 500 million Euros [about $635 million] to do.

He’s always wanted to open his own theme park and he thinks Ireland is the perfect place and it will all be built around the leprechaun theme.”

The naughty implications of this news were noted by Scott Adams who suggests in the Dilbert blog that the Leprechaun Park may be a vehicle for Jackson to get him some "wee people" booty:

“I won’t accuse Michael Jackson of being a child molester. You can never fully rule out “disturbed weirdo of galactic proportions with astonishingly bad judgment.” However, the question I wonder about is what would happen if someone such as Michael who enjoyed sleeping with children (as friends) suddenly couldn’t do it anymore. What would he do?

Well, he might start a business that has a perfectly good reason for hiring hordes of midgets. They’d all be over 18-years old so there are no legal problems. As far as I know, you can hump the living crap out of a midget all day long and it’s totally legal, assuming the midget is onboard with the plan. Or you can just share your bed with midgets as friends. That’s legal too.”

Michael Jackson planned a Leprechaun theme park

It’s rumored that Jackson is crazy about Ireland and that he is planning to give the Neverland Ranch an Irish name “Dunmolestin”. Jackson may also donate his curiosities to the Leprechaun park, especially his Elephant Man’s skeleton and his famous nose collection:

Since the Irish people are not familiar with Michael, a Michael Jackson FAQ might he helpful, maybe this site dedicated to Michael Jackson questions and answers (warning, offensive language).

Some of the questions make no sense to me:

Q: What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common?
A: They both come on crackers.

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with. The other is for carrying food.

Q: What did Michael Jackson say to Lorena Bobbit?
A: "SILLY Bobbit! Dicks are for KIDS!"

Q: What do Michael Jackson and Dr. Spock have in common?
A: They both know how to rear a child.

Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at the Jackson residence?
A: When the big hand touches the little hand...

Anyway, the tabloid mill is now suggesting that Michael is trying very hard to fit-in and make himself appealing to the average Irishman.

I hear that Jackson is also trying to fit-in with the catholic population by reminding people that “God is neither black nor while, neither male nor female”, just like himself.

Jackson also reminds the Irish that he is also loyal, and that "he has never left his friends behind":

Speaking of dwarves, the new Movie “Jackass 2” is due out soon, and we see that they have some skits involving dwarf horses and human dwarfs.