Friday, October 20, 2006

Breeding Dangerous Stallions!

The Dynamics of breeding dangerous stallions

We are busy this time of the year at the ranch with out bredding stallions. We have lots of breeding chores to get ready for next year and we are currently standing three stallions at stud, with big stallions and tiny stallions:

This is Dude, a nice stallion, but dangerous when horny:

Collecting semen from Arabian Stallions is dangerous

Dangerous stallions are a constant problem. Even the mini stallions can be a handful, as Andy discovered on day when Smokey dragged him across the pasture in pursuit of a mare!

When breeding, the excited stallion will walk on his hind legs as he approaches his lover (usually a dummy mare), rearing-up and out-of-control.

This is cool wire art, eh . . .

If you don't think that stallions are dangerous, imagine a half-ton of horny stallion, snaking and biting their heads while their front hooves are striking-out in all directions. Monty Roberts (from his bestselling book "The man who listens to horses"), said that he carried a whip and a pistol when breeding his stallions, and horse breeders agree that an aroused stallion can be very unpredictable and dangerous.

The "Teaser" Slut

We start by picking a mare that is "in season" and giving-off a musky pheromone that dives the boys wild. In-season mares are total sluts. When they see a stallion, any stallion, they "wink", a sure sign that the mare is ready to breed:

1 - She runs over and slams her rump in his face and "winks". "Winking" is just like an eye wink, but with her naughty bits.

2- The stallion will respond with a very distinct grunting. (It sounds like "hey" "huh" "huh" "hey" "huh" "huh" ).

3 - Next, the Mare gets really excited and urinates in his face, (I kid you not), causing the stallion to do the Flehmen response, relishing the breeding scent in the mare urine:

4 - The foreplay is now over, and he climbs-on for a quick ride. (I mean real quick, like 30 seconds. Horses have evolved to breed and give birth very fast)

Collecting a dangerous Stallion

Stallions are very dangerous when horny and over the years we have learned a few tricks to keep a hot and horny stallion without getting injured. Like many studs, we have two stall doors. One is the daily doors when they go out to exercise and work, and the other is the "breeding door", a door he only uses when it's time to get horny. When they go through the breeding door they are already in a frenzy, often standing 12 feet high and walking out on two legs, the front legs striking-out at anything that gets between them and their mare.

Here is an example of a dummy mare, a large clumsy contraction used for safe semen collection:

Every year people are killed when breeding horses and using "natural cover" is also very dangerous. You start by hobbling the mare (tying her back ankles to make kicking impossible). Even so, it takes three people a stallion handler, someone to hold the front-end of the mare, and a third person to "assist" if the stalling has "line-up" issues. The hobbles must be perfect. Vaalor's father, the legendary Excelsjor, was killed when he was kicked by an improperly-hobbled mare.

Helping Hands

Dude is exceptionally gentle for a stud stallion and Janet has developed a new collection techniques that does not involve teaser mares, huge dummy mares and the gross mess.

This is a super-safe collection method. (Janet is an incredibly talented horse trainer, and I'm not just saying that because I'm married to her.) She "manually" collects the stallion (into an artificial vagina, called an "AV"), all while keeping the stallion down on all four feet.

This makes horse semen collection far safer to both the stallion and the handler, but to an outsider, it must look bizarre and pornographic.

Our top stallion is "Tha Dude", and all the girls are in love with him. When he goes out for training, all the girls line-up along the fence and gaze lustfully at him. When we took him away for his first show, the mares got so upset that they followed the trailer to the road, and stood there crying and calling.

I once saw Twinkie (a spayed dwarf mare) back-up to Dude! Dude is about 30 times larger than tiny Twinkie, but she still backed-up to him (across a fence) and drive him wild with "do me" nickering overtures!

Dangerous Stallion loose!

Last night one of our grooms left the hitch open on Dudes stall door. Well, Dude waited patently until we went to bed and walked out into a hallway full of mares! Interestingly, out of all of the mares, he chose the "teenager" fillies (Abby & Rye, 3 years-old). With a double-barreled kick from his powerful back legs, he obliterated the stall door, and has a three-way menage-a-twat with the fillies.

Now, Abby and Rye treat Dude like a rock star, constantly fawning and flirting with him, so the orgy last night must have been a their dream. When we got to the barn, Dude was sweating and shined like black onyx, but he was totally drained.

Punishment from the Herd

The fillies, having had relations with Dude, were deeply in-love.

Ever hear the old joke "What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?" (you can dump a load in the washer and it won't follow you around for weeks) Well, it was kinda like that . . .

When they went out to pasture, that called-and called to Dude, forlorn lovers separated from their man. Now, that's not acceptable behavior, and their cousin Vinnie got really angry and culled them from the herd until they started acting like respectable young ladies.

However, the damage was done, and Dude has now had the "live sex experience", which makes for a dangerous stallion. The International Arabian Horse Association (IAHA) recognizes that all stallions can be dangerous and has passed a rule that you must be over 18 years-old to ride a stallion in a horse show.

Here is Dude's magazine ad for 2007, and here are Dude’s breeding details.

Dangerous Stallions can be small too

Miniature horse stallions, even though they are small, can still be very dangerous.

In an earlier blog post Smokey gets his Girls, Smokey broke a metal chain to get his sweeties. Here is a pic of Janet chasing him!

And, of course, his foal "Lucky Seven", who arrived exactly 11 months later:

We had enough of Smokey's romances (he has done this three times now), so we got the vet to have him nipped and fed his gonads to our Rottweiler.

Problem solved. I wonder if this technique works with people, too?