Inappropriate childrens Christmas toys

Each year we see more inappropriate children’s toys and after China attempted to poison Americans with toys we must always be on the lookout for inappropriate children’s Christmas toys.

Last year I focused on some inappropriate Christmas toys.



An inappropriate child’s Christmas present would include any toy that present a danger or engaging in dangerous activities.


While these shopped images are fun, we need to remember to ensure that all kid’s Christmas toys are appropriate for their age.

The best golf tees

Ever since the first ancient golfer teed-up his leather ball on a mound of wet sand, the golf industry has been obsessed with the best golf tees.

Golf is a game where the players tend to have a high disposable income, and golf tees are yet another way to relieve a golfer from their money.

I highly recommend Oakhurst Links in West Virginia, America's oldest golf course, where you are required to use hickory clubs, gutta percha balls and sand tees.


The original golf tees were wet sand

The best golf tees are not easy to find. Everyone is hawking the features of their golf tees, and it's hard to separate the hype from the reality. Even Tiffany offers a $250 golf tee!

There are some common misconceptions about golf tees, especially the idea that the tee creates drag on your swing. This is nonsense, plus the low-drag gold tees are very difficult to use.

My golf coach is PGA Master professional Brad Clayton. Brad is an amazing one-armed golfer, and one of the top golf coaches on the planet and we love his "puzzle duck" teaching program:


The best one-armed PGA pro in America

Brad teaches that the ideal height for a golf ball is 1.5x the height of the driver and this requires a long tee.


Today's fat drivers require extra-long tees

Brad has these great notes on using tees:

“Most people swing up on the ball {not desirable, but fact}; when the ball is teed up there is more room to get the leading edge of the golf club below the equator of the ball. This makes getting the ball in the air easier. . .

I am of the opinion that if you miss a drive, miss it low. This means low on the club face and also in flight. A ball teed lower {approximately half or less of the ball should be above the top line of the driver face} and struck lower will tend to go straighter and roll further, so your misses will be more in control and also lose little distance if not struck perfectly.

A ball missed high on the face will tend to float and be more influenced by wind. Give me a low penetrating flight any day over a high floating ball. So, tee your balls lower and get more control.“

What's the best golf tee?

In my humble opinion, the Callaway "eterni tee" is my pick for the best golf tee. They cost a few dollars each, but they last forever, and these tees are designed with the golfer in-mind. They are sturdy enough to drive into hard winter soil, the blade at the bottom is perfect for repairing ball marks on the green and the tee blade tip is small enough to clean dirt from your club grooves:


Callaway eterni-tees

Read my full notes here on how to choose the best golf tee.

Oh, and let's not be taken-in by all of the novelty golf tees:

The glut of cruise ships!

My first cruise back in 1981 was on the SS Norway (formerly and SS France), at the time billed as the largest cruise ship afloat.



Now, a short 25 years later, the Norway is a wreck; a burned-out hulk awaiting dismantling in India:



I wonder if this will be the fate of the newest generation of cruise ships?

This week’s Businessweek article Too Many Love Boats notes that these billion dollar cruise ships will be entering a glutted market:

“The travel industry is in its worst slump since the September 11 terrorist attacks seven years ago.

To lure customers, cruise lines are slashing prices, eliminating fuel surcharges, and redirecting ships from exotic locations to ports that don't require expensive air travel.”

I’ll be among the 6,000 passengers on the first sailing of the Genesis class ships because I want to see how this idea of billion dollar floating cities turns out.

The Oasis of the Seas is underway, and the long-awaited “central park” area is taking shape:


Looks great on paper

Conceptual illustrations make the Genesis Oasis "Central Park" an amazing open space at sea:



But the real Central Park looks less glamorous:



The Oasis has lots of features including redneck features:

"Longer than an aircraft carrier, the $1.5 billion vessel will feature seven "neighborhoods" including a Central Park with outdoor cafés, as well as a boardwalk with a tattoo parlor and fortune teller."

How to get your kids to visit at Christmas:

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says,

"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced.

Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

"Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

Family Guy Sang!

Family Guy Sings was created to support the Writers Guild of America (WGA), a great new singing event with all proceeds going to the WGA.



The real show as all about Seth McFarlane, a talented vocalist who moved seamlessly between his voices for Stewie, Brian the dog and Peter Griffin. He minute he flashes his smile, you know that Seth is a smart-ass, in this case, a $100m very-smart-ass.

In addition to having a wicked sense of humor, McFarlane is a skilled pianist and singer who in his early years trained with Frank Sinatra's vocal coach. The tiny midget Seth Green (of Entourage fame) was also comic relief, voicing Chris Griffin.

McFarlane was dress-out well in a well-tailored suit with a crisp white shirt, but the effect was ruined with his sneakers which made is pants look weird and puffy, like a creepy old man. It was clear that McFarlane was a tad nervous at first, but he hit his stride later in the show.

Seth Macfarlane has had a lucky life. He was booked on doomed Flight 11 on 9/11/2001, the plane that crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade center!

He missed a one-way trip to ground zero due to having a bad hangover . . . Imagine the survivors guilt.

As you might expect, the croud was roudy and McFarland did a great job keeping the hecklers in control mocking them "Do you think that you are at home? You are in F**king Carnegie Hall".


Mc Farlane singing a Stewie/Brian duet

There are very few events in Carnegie Hall that are "wicked classy", but this one was unique. Everyone I spoke with said that the show was an hour too long. It would have been better with a half-hour eposide, or at least a new episode, so as not to bore people. Even the cast readers were bored, playing with their PDA's. From my view, hald the audience was also multi-tasking . . .

The "special" event, the singing of the Cleveland Show Theme song was runied by bad acoustics, and you could not hear the words!

The shows were held at Carnegie Hall on Monday, November 24 & Tuesday, November 25, 2008, before a packed house, including a few too-many 11 years olds, one of whom had snagged a front-row seat . . .


Who takes an 11 year old to Cargegie Hall?

Left to right, we see the voices of Cleveland, Meg, Chris, Lois and Peter/Brian/Stewie, plus some 11 year old whose parents are no doubt answering questions from Child Protective Services . . .

The show highlights were his renditions of the “Freaking FCC”, and watching the ladies voice the "embarrassing" lines, like when pretty Mila Kunis was speaking lustfully to a pack of hot dogs . . .
This was a perfect chance to introduce our kids to haute couture, and we took them shopping for fancy duds so they did not feel out-of-place in Carhegie Hall:


Andy with his new leather coat


Jen with her "Coach" bag

Jen is beaming in her new outfit, and she thinks that her Coach bag is real . . .

See my full notes here on Family Guy sings!

A Heartwarming story

This letter was sent to the Principal's office after their school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna

Funny airport announcements!

For those perpetual adolescents who liked to make calls for Drew P. Weiner, here is a great collection of allegedly real airport announcements at Heathrow airport.

Funny public announcements

Make sure to click the sound links to hear how the names were pronounced. I like this one;

LOOKS LIKE: aynayda pizaqvick and malexa kriest

SOUNDS LIKE: i need a piss quick and my legs are crossed

China scam - Travel to China to sign contract!

Today I got a call from a friend who told me about a new scam originating in China whereby they appear to be interested in your product, negotiate a deal of several hundred thousand dollars, and then insist that you go to China to sign the contract and pay a 1% Chinese notary fee!

It’s an interesting variation of the 419 scam, and I recently investigated a “too good to be true” deal for a friend. Things got weird when they asked him to come to China and sign the contract!

In this case, I was informed that the company was “China Shijiazhuang Shenzhouyilong Trade Co., Ltd”, and the scam was that they pretended to be interested in a large order, over $100,000.

China Shijiazhuang Shenzhouyilong Trade Co., Ltd, has a web site is http://sjzszyl.com/ with a Google page rank of zero.

Any site with a Googfle page rank of zero is a sign of either a brand-new web site, or a site that has been punished by Google. In this case China Shijiazhuang Shenzhouyilong Trade Co., Ltd represented themselves to be an established company, so this was suspicous.

A few Google searches and I discovered why this Chinese fraud requires you to travel to China! According to this web site, this travel to China fraud has been going on since at least 2006:

“There were reported cases of gullible Americans who actually took a trip to Africa to "sign the deal", and were robbed and murdered, but most of them got off lucky with their lives - their back accounts were though emptied.”

New Zealand authorities are also warning about a scam very similar to that of China Shijiazhuang Shenzhouyilong Trade Co., Ltd:

“A recent variation came through an internet-based enquiry from distributors based in South America working with Chinese buyers looking to import a New Zealand Company’s products and/or services and inviting the potential exporter to visit them to sign contracts.

Key features of the enquiries are that the companies want to place large orders, claiming to focus on quality not price, and agreeing to all general terms of trade. In addition they request that the companies, according to Chinese custom, travel to China to sign the contract.

They have also, of late, started asking for a 1% notary public fee to be paid in cash on arriving in China.”



So, why do they ask people to travel to China to sign the contract? It’s a lot of work for the Chinese in this scam, but it’s evidently worked out from all of the evidence I found about this Chinese fraud scam.

This site describes the latest Chinese scam, where they ask people to go to China:

- The Chinese company contacted you via the web
- The Chinese company has "Import/Export" in their name
- They want to purchase a very large volume of goods
- They insist that your senior executive travel to China immediately to sign the contract with them in person
- They request money prior to the trip to pay for a reception in your honor, and/or, once in China, they request money or goods to "grease the wheels" with local officials



Here is another example of how this China scam works:

Guilin China Fraud

1. They pretend they are interested in your product
2. They ask for best price / quotation
3. They ask for samples
4. They respond with favorable outlook on your product and price
5. They ask for best price for large order
6. They pretend to be negotiating and informing their boss
7. They extend a buy offer and submit a contract for your review
8. Once you accept the terms they ask for you to come to China to “Sign the Contract”
9. You get excited about the large order and it seems that you have nothing to loose…..
10. They arrange for hotel, pick you up from airport and escort you to hotel
11. You meet the “Boss” and a friendly Women who translates for the Boss (This is to confuse you… The Boss speaks English) he asks a series of questions a. How long in business – (This is used to make you feel he is checking out your credentials) b. What’s your “Net Worth” – (This is used to determine how much they can swindle from you) c. Can we visit your factory – (This is used to make you feel that they are committing to a long term relationship) d. Etc….
12. Your asked to return the next day while they prepare the final contract based on further price negotiations (They do this to fully change your mindset and believe they are committed in purchasing from you)
13. They arrange breakfast, lunch and dinner – (Every place they take you, they get a kickback for your expense)
14. You meet the “Boss” again and he has the final contract for you to sign, he decides to leave the terms at the most favorable price and condition for YOU! (Your excited!!!!)
15. Once you agree with the terms he tells you that his “Finance Manager” must approve but he’s not in the office attending other meetings
16. Your asked to purchase a gift for the “Finance Manager” to insure a favorable outcome and the “Boss” tells you he will work very hard to market your product to the “Finance Manager”
17. You agree to purchase a gift and immediately escorted to an art gallery to purchase a very expensive art – (Keep in mind, you’re not thinking of the price because you just signed a very large contract)
18. Your extremely happy and now continue dinning and shopping – (All controlled by the individuals that are escorting you around… remember they continue to get kickbacks from all locations)
19. Next day you go to meet the “Finance Manager” to complete the contract and your told that the “Finance Manager” had an emergency and is very sorry he cannot meet you.
20. The “Boss” tells you that the “Finance Manager” will come to your factory and you can give him the gift once he travel to your factory.
21. You leave with a contract in your hand, expenses and a high priced gift, never to hear from anyone again. Above is an example of what happened to me, the difference was that I caught onto their SCAM the day prior to me leaving, without going into much more details, I could have avoided this entire SCAM by just doing a little bit of investigation.

You see, these SCAMMERS target new and small to medium companies, companies that are eager to succeed and are looking for that quick break. It’s sad that there are bad individuals out to take advantage of people.



Xi'an Hengyun Import & Export Trade Co., Ltd.

“They have even extended an invitation for me to visit their company in Xi'an, China so that we can personally sign the contract. . . when you come to China and the contract is signed you will be asked to give the CEO a very expensive gift and maybe also pay a vey expensive dinner, they receive Kick back from this,”

“They trapped people to pay for expensive hotel, dinner, buy gift such as paintings worth 100$ at the price 5000$ and something like that. And they get benefit from the hotel, restaurant, and the shop.

And for sure even the contract was signed, there is no follow up and nothing happens after you come back to your country. They will disappear and never answer your phone.”

Guilin Youlianshiye Co.,Ltd

“There are various "importers" in Guilin who do the same: they attract you to their office to sign a "face to face" contract, but they want you to spend money on shopping (on which they make a quite high commission) and, after the contract is signed (a very nice contract, for a big supply of your products) they try to convince you to buy a present for their "boss" so that the business goes smooth.

We were offered to buy a painting worth 100 Euro (learnt once back home) that they wanted us to pay 5000 euro, but we refused.”

It’s bad enough that the communists Chinese are using the Internet to attack America, acts which should constitute an act or War, like attempting to break in to the Pentagon and secret government computers.

Communist China has poisoned our food, attacked our computer systems, make no mistake, China is planning for war against the United States . . .

Obama smokes!

As an indignant ex-smoker, I was surprised to find out that President elect Barak Obama smokes cigarettes. But what brand does Obama smoke?



According to ABC news, Obama admits doing hard drugs, and he also admits to being a cigarette smoker:

“Once a heavy smoker, he [Obama] publicly gave up the habit, per his wife’s request, to run for president.”


What brand of cigarettes does Obama smoke?

If I recall correctly, President Eisenhower was the last president to be an open smoker, although there were many ex-smoker presidents like Kennedy and President Reagan.



President Clinton also smoked, but I’m not sure if using a cigar as a dildo with a chubby intern qualifies as smoking.

It's really interesting that despite the bloody campaign that voters did not know that Obama was a smoker. . . .

Make a medical specimen in a jar

So many Christmas gifts lack that "personal touch", and you never see anything hand crafted anymore except Aunt Sarah's inedible fruitcakes that would gag a maggot. . .

Well, fear not! Here is a great idea, a do-it-yourself medical specimen!

What is it? Well, that’s part of the fun . . .


WTF is in that jar?

What a great hand-crafted Christmas gift idea! Drew, the artist notes:

“Usually when I make a Thing in a Jar, I try to keep the shape ambiguous enough so that the viewer cannot really pin down exactly what they're looking at.

The glass jar acts as a physical barrier, preventing the viewer from directly accessing its contents. The murky fluid acts as a visual barrier, making the exact details of the form indistinct. The viewer is forced to fill in the gaps with their own imagination.

I think this is much cooler than, for example, a painting, which basically has this big implicit sign hanging off of it that says, "I am just a painting of an object, not the object itself. Obviously you are not looking at a real alien fetus."

You gotta admit, they are quite the conversation starter, and a great way to show off your creativity.



You can also add fake eye, a nice touch for that “fetus” feel:



It's a great way to be creative, the perfect conversation piece, great for Christmas . . . .

Learn how to make a “thing in a jar” here.

Redneck Candy

The latest fad is customized candy and all of the major vendors are doing it.

Everyone likes custom candy flavors, like this one, custom candy flavors, just for rednecks:


Candy flavors for redneck palates

But custom candy is now personalized!

M & M candy can now be personalized with your face or company logo.


You can even get Nascar candies, very nice:


Custom NASCAR candy for rednecks

But you can even get customized M&M’s with custom faces printed on them:



I dunno, that baby's face on the candy looks kinda creepy to me . . .

Andy Burleson's first marathon

Andrew Burleson completed his first Marathon today and he finished all 26 miles! As a respite from studying for his masters degree in business administration, Andy ran the 2nd annual OBX Marathon on the North Carolina cape outer banks.

The marathon started on the outer banks north of nags head and ended in Manteo on Sunday, November 11.

Janet, Noel and and I were there to cheer him on. . .


Janet & Noel at the outer banks marathon

Andrew Burleson finished 321 out of more than 1,000 competitors, completing the grueling 26 mile run in under four hours!

He got a nice medal for completing the marathon and he is now qualified to run in the Boston Marathon.


Andrew Sean Burleson finishes his 26 mile marathon

I never noticed it before, but Andy has inherited my washboard abs:



Andy and Dusty were in serious pain as they approached the finish line, we were impressed:


Andrew Burleson and Dusty Oakley completing the 26 mile marathon

At the marathon finish line everyone gathered to cheer on the runners:



Afterwards we went out for barbequeue. Is it just me, or is this sign just wrong?


Pigman's BBQ creepy sign

See our full notes here on the NC outer banks marathon.

Racism in Google keyword suggestions!

I love the Google keyword suggestion feature because it shows what other people are using for their keyword searches. However, Google also shows racist queries. Consider this query “why do black”. Try this yourself, the results are surprising:


Racist Google keyword suggestions about black people

Every racial stereotype, watermelon, fried chicken, plus frequencies so you can see how popular the racial stereotypes are! And it’s the same for other races! Consider this for “why do white”:


Racist Google keyword suggestions indicating white people stereotypes

I love the "why do white people smell like wet dogs!" That one is true I guess, many people from Asia have asked me that!

And let’s not forget “why do Asians”:


Racist stereotypes of Asians as reported by Google

In America anyone can become president, but racial stereotypes are alive and well. How are cartoonists going to draw Obama?



Everyone in the public eye is the butt of jokes and their features are exaggerated, but I wonder if drawing the president with black features will be accepted?

(Thanks Robin for the searches!)

Sony has extra-cost Vista to XP downgrade disk!

Sony, makers of the popular Vaio computers and now selling Windows XP downgrade disks with their new laptop computers!

http://www.sony-asia.com/support/download/228191/sectionfirst?subpage=detail

Sony laptops come with Vista installed, and I spent over $200 to have Vista removed from my laptop.

The Sony Vista to Windows XP downgrade disk only costs $50, well worth the price to be rid of Vista.

A miracle fruit flavor tripping party

Planning a miracle fruit flavor tripping party

See my complete notes here on having fun with Miracle Fruit and having a flavor tripping party.

The latest rage in Manhattan is to have a flavor tripping party and its great fun. You prepare a platter of bitter foods and then ingest “Miracle Fruit”, special berries that deaden your taste for bitter flavors.

Step one – get miracle berries. As of today, they cost about $2 each:


$40 in miracle fruit does a party for ten

Step 2 – Prepare a tasting of super bitter foods

This part is easy, just load up with bitter foods, sour fruits, hot sauces, tequila and so on.


Chef James Gray with flavor tripping platter

Step 3 – Start tripping!

Eating the Miracle fruit numbs your tongue, and you can feel the numbness for about an hour, but be prepared, everything taste sweet!

Far and away, the favorites were sour citrus. Key Lime juice can be sipped without puckering, and fresh lines and grapefruit taste like sweet candy.



Sure, the Miracle fruit thing is just a fad, but it’s something fun to do, something different in a gastronomic wasteland. . . .

The Interphone of WWII

In this age of the Internet, not many people remember interphones.

Not many people know this, but B-17 crews of WWII in the pacific in 1942 called their radio’s “Interphones”.



These were the interconnected radio transmitters like we remember from TV shows like Twelve O'Clock High . . .