Wednesday, May 04, 2005

It’s breeding time again. . .

It’s springtime, and Janet and I are planning our yearly horse breeding. Each year we breed 3 or 4 of our best broodmares, and et again, our head mare (Liddy) did not make the cut. You see, Liddy LOVES babies, and I cannot bear to see her getting upset when the other mares have their foals next year.

Two years ago one of our mares gave-birth a month early, and Liddy took the baby. The grooms called in a panic, and Liddy had even “bagged-up” and was nursing the baby. The real Mom was extremely distraught, and we had two Mommies, each willing to fight for “their” baby. . . . This is Liddy, a daughter of National Champion Stallion "Litigator":

Our biggest problem this year is using our own stallions. When we use a foreign stallion, the semen is shipped Fedex in this thing called an “Equitainer”: (“Hi, I’m here to pick-up some frozen horse cum”), and the vet does the insemination with an artificial penis.

With our own stallions we have used “natural cover” technique in the past and we were both injured.

Janet took a bad spill last week when a green-broke gelding tripped and sent her flying. Thank God nothing was broken, but she has this huge black eye, and I hate it when people see her face and then give me a nasty-look like I did it!.

You see, when a stallion comes out of the “breeding door” that know that they are going to get lucky, and the walk on their hind legs, striking-out and being very out-of-control. I had the joy of hobbling the mare (so she won’t kick him) and holding her still while he mounts.

Last year, one stallion (Ibn), grabbed Janet by the shoulder and tossed her like a rag doll. Her upper-arm was deep purple, and I sent Ibn to the horsepital to have him fixed (I don’t put-up with dangerous stallions). I had his gonads bottled in alcohol and wrapped them up for a Christmas present for our daughter. I’ll never forget the look on her face when she received a jar of horse nads. . .

Anyway, Janet has developed a really-cool new technique to collect a stallion “on the ground”, and we are making a 30-minute documentary on the technique for the “Horse TV” channel. This is an important technique as people can be seriously injured or killed when breeding aggressive stallions.

Janet backs-up a mare in heat to get the stallion excited and places a hot wet towel on his thingy. We bought an artificial vagina from a Vet and we collect him without danger.

After collection, Janet inseminates the mares with a turkey-baster. . .

The funniest part is that the stallion has come to view Janet as a lover! While horses communicate mostly by body language, they have about 20 vocalizations and they “talk” when they are courting with a “huh huh huh” sound that means “C’mon baby, let’s get it on”. When Janet enter the barn, one stallion starts making the come-hither noises at Janet, and the mare get quite upset that the studly stallion prefer Janet to them!

We hope to have he video finished later this year and I’ll post a note when it is scheduled to air on TV.