Saturday, July 16, 2005

The greatest pick-up line in history

In Florida, a blind man has admitted having sex with his guide dog and inviting a neighborhood woman to join him and his assistance dog “Lucky” in a 3-way doggie “ménage – a – twat”:

Man allegedly has sex with guide dog

“Yoder, who lives in a local apartment complex, last month asked a female acquaintance to join him in a sex act with the dog, a male yellow Labrador named "Lucky."”

Now, how did the smooth-talking blind guy approach the lovely miss and suggest a 3-way with a dog? Man, I wish that I was fly-on-the-wall for that, probably the best pickup line in history:

“Hey baby, want to get lucky with Lucky”?

Whatever was said, it has to be among the best pick-up lines in the history of dating. But evidently Yoder’s come-on failed, leading to his arrest:

“She demurred, but later told a friend about it. That person called a social worker, who called police.”

Yeah, I'll bet she told lots of folks about it. From the story, it almost looks like the fellow did not know that it was wrong:

“Investigators spoke to Yoder on June 16, who admitted performing certain sex acts with the dog, even going into detail with them, but denied doing others.”

Guess what? It’s NOT ILLEGAL! Florida has no bestiality laws. . . . I mean, really, I would have missed that one too – who would think to pass laws about something so weird?

“It shall be a felony for anyone to engage in sexual relations with Anteaters, Aardvarks, . . . and Zebras”

Personally, I think that the practice of using guide animals for non-traditional tasks should be prohibited:

And in some cultures being “beastly” is not as frowned-upon as it is in the USA. Here is a case where someone died after being intimate with livestock:

Man dies after sex with horse

“A Seattle man died after engaging in anal sex with a horse at a farm suspected of being a gathering place for people seeking to have sex with livestock, police said on Friday.

The horse involved in the incident was not harmed, and an autopsy of the unnamed man concluded that "the manner of death was accidental ... due to perforation of the colon," a police spokesman said.”

As my daughter would say, Ewww. . .

To further confound the system, Yoder has plead not guilty to animal cruelty charges, and I’ll wager the this guy will wrap himself in the Americans with Disabilities Act (the A.D.A) and he might plead that he will loose his mobility aid (the abused “Lucky”) if he is ordered to stay-away from dogs to avoid any subsequent sexual arousal. . . .

As a volunteer with the Guide Horse Foundation, part of my work is pre-screening Guide Horse applicants, and one of our worst nightmares is that we might place a guide with someone who might abuse their animal.

I’m thinking that guide animals should be automated like this prototype: