Thursday, February 08, 2007

Redneck cuisine tips

As a businessman, I eat in lots of upscale restaurants and I get disgusted by the constant parade of fish eggs (Caviar), over-priced fungus (Truffles), goose liver pate and other gross things disguised as Haute Cuisine. No self-respecting red neck would eat this crap.

I’ve noted that trendy restaurants are now elevating common peasant foods to culinary delights, such as Jamaican Manish Water in Manhattan for $80 a bowl and Spanish smoked duck burritos in Santa Fe for $30.

If you want evidence, just look at the cat butter craze, people charging a fortune to food snobs for cat dairy products, just because it costs a fortune to milk a cat:

Redneck Haute Cuisine

It’s about time that Americans started demanding real, good-ole country foods. Traditional redneck foods are very difficult to find, and it’s about time that the gourmet restaurants started elevating red neck chow into the ranks of haute cuisine.

I have had mixed success in my experiments with horse milk, but I see an emerging market for creating gourmet redneck dishes.

Don’t carry your brains around in a can

For example, outside of North Carolina it’s almost impossible to find Livermush and brains and eggs, and I’m forced to carry my brains around in a can, and ask the chef to put my brains into my scrambled eggs:

What we need is a steady source of simple, wholesome country foods, and there is a huge emerging market to "gourmetize" redneck chow, like these fine products:

It should be easy to create market demand for gourmet redneck cuisine, if presented properly. Here are my no-miss ideas:

Squirrel in a cup

Everybody loves squirrel, but you have to admit, it's messy and the meat falls off of the bones. What we need is gourmet squirrel, pre-chopped and served-up in it's own butt.

My initial market research is very promizing:

Eight of ten rednecks like squirrel in a cup

However, the younger generation has been raised on fancy store-bought foods. Younger folks don't always appreciate fine cuisine:

Jen3 sez “Ewwww” (but she liked it)

But it's not just squirrel. I'm shocked that nobody has thought of Cooter sushi.

Cooter in the half shell

Cooter is wonderful and it has seven kinds of meat, a great and versatile undiscovered gourmet food. Imagine serving up a whole Cooter, all raw, right in his own shell.

For a limited time, I’m soliciting investors for these great ideas.

Read more about my ideas for Redneck Cuisine here.