Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Restrict bathroom privacy in airplane cabins?

After the Christmas Al Qaeda terrorist attack, Americans may lose the right to privacy in the aircraft restrooms!

After dirtbag Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab‎ used the airplane bathroom to prepare his bomb, the FAA is talking about imposing new restrictions that will not allow you to use the aircraft bathroom during the last hour of flight!

As you will read below, not being able to defecate in the aircraft cabin is not a big deal since there is a long history of passengers who never bothered with restrooms, and have shat in the cabin area.

As the cost of air travel falls lower than bus fares, there are more and more reports of crappy people taking a dump inside the aircraft cabin.

I once saw a hobo in NYC drop trou and take a crap, in broad daylight on a public sidewalk:

For the past 20 years, they say that only first-class passengers can use the first-class crapper, ostensibly because they don’t want people from coach walking up near the cockpit.

The airlines make an announcement telling the coach passengers to use the crapper at the back of the plane, yet the poor people regularly walk up into first class to drop their economy feces into the executive potties.

George Carlin used to joke that the issue was that first class passengers did not want coach feces in their bathroom, but the real issue is terrosism safety.

Taking a dump at 30,000 feet

This report talks about a coach passenger coming-up to first class to crap on the beverage cart. Gerard Finneran, a coach passenger on a long flight from Argentina, walked into First Class, to say "hi" and then proceeded to take a dump on the beverage cart:

“[he] then walked up to the first-class cabin, dropped his pants and defecated on a service cart in plain view of the passengers and crew.

Then he stepped in his own feces and tracked it through the main cabin”.

Finneran was parodied in David Letterman with his own top-10 list:

Top 10 Gerard Finneran Excuses for pooping on the beverage cart

10. Misread brochure about advantages of first class
9. Confused when steward asked for headset deposit
8. Went nuts after learning they were out of chicken almandine
7. Though he heard somebody yell, "We're going to crash!" and that was just something he always wanted to do before he died
6. Hoping to impress aloof blonde English woman in 2-D
5. Had already used airphone to call everyone he knew
4. You try drinking for 14 hours and see if you can tell the difference between a food cart and a bathroom
3. All part of an elaborate plan to intimidate the real killers
2. His ass wouldn't fit in the overhead compartment
1. "Oh, like you've never done it"

When pigs fly: Feces in first class

We all remember this story where the incident where a lady was flying with her emotional support pig, and the pig went wild in first-class, crapping all over the floor and begging for food from other passengers:

"Throughout this ordeal, the pig acted like a ... well, it acted like a pig.

Unlike real service animals that know how to keep their bodily functions in check, this fat four-legger dropped feces -- more than once. "

Pigs can fly: "emotional support" animals

This makes some of my friends look bad, like Dan Shaw and Cuddles, his seeing-eye horse.

Dan & Cuddles fly everywhere

Dan that Cuddles fly regularly and she will not crap on the aircraft because Janet housebroke her. Cuddles can hold her poo for more than 6 hours.

Dan and Cuddles fly regularly

Feces and the fat

I have always wondered about super-fat people who don’t fit into the airline bathrooms? What do they do after they eat a whole bucket of KFC and they need to defecate in flight?

What, do they use a diaper?

I overheard a stewardess call them "Shamu's". But regardless of the name, super-fat people are more than annoying, they constitute a health and safety menace . . .

When Shamu flies: How do morbidly obese use the airplane bathroom?

Read this link to hear why I don't believe that super-fat people should fly unless they can find bathrooms that will safely accommodate their girth.

Anyway, I hate to be the turd in the punchbowl, but it’s high-time we stopped people from defecating in the aircraft cabin.

The airlines charge extra for blankets, maybe we need to bring back pay toilets, perhaps little bedpans that you can slide under your seat.

The turd in the punchbowl