This web site for a Japanese Spa in Santa Fe offers the deal of the decade for New Mexico morons.
For $155 they will smear bird poop on your face!
Swear to God, for money, some Japanese person will smear feces on your face:
“We are the exclusive importers of processed nightingale droppings, which have been used for centuries by geisha in Japan to brighten and smooth their skin.”
The trick to making people pay you to smear crap on their face requires special marketing:
"Uguisu no Fun's main effect - that being bleaching and exfoliating the skin - is a result of Guanine, a naturally occurring enzyme [sic] found in nightingale droppings."
But $115, that a lot of cash! Heck, I can do better than that!
Anybody who wants to be crapped on is invited to stop by the ranch.
Just lay a C note on me and I’ll find a critter that will be happy to crap on your face . . .