Thursday, March 18, 2010

Inhuman drug test results!

We are committed to a drug free workplace and a surprise urinalysis is an absolute requirement.

I do it right after the on-site interview, marching them straight to the nurse’s office with no advance warning.

I’ve been amazed at the drug test results, where many fine upstanding people come back testing positive for Meth, Heroin and all sorts of substances that I've never heard of.

The new drug tests now can tell if the applicant has a drinking problem even if there is not alcohol in their system at the time.

It’s way better to find out before you hire them. I hate firing a drug addict or alcoholic because they invariably get really nasty and threaten to sue. Bob Papaj wrote a great book on how to fire computer people:

Corporations have hired me for decades to interview and screen computer job applicants for sensitive positions, and over the years I’ve interviewed hundreds of job candidates.

It's positively inhuman!

I thought that I had seen every possible result from the “piss quiz”, until I heard the story of the “inhuman” urinalysis results!

Another manager told me that he had the results of a drug test come back as “inhuman”, meaning that the urine sample was not collected from a human being!

The drug test did not indicate the species, but I can imagine this person with a cup on a broom stick following Fido around waiting for his chance to get a urine sample!

Don't try using diog urine for a company drug test

Horses are athletes and they do random drug testing of horses at horse shows.

If your horse is selected, a person follows your horse around for hours with a cup on a stick! Janet has trained our horses to pee on command:

Scout will uninate on command, very handy

It’s also important to note that the urine sample is collected on-site and tested for warmth (real pee should be over 90 degrees at collection time. I can only guess that this fellow “keestered” the dog urine, or heated it up with a Bic lighter in the bathroom stall!

For more information on screening the right people for a computer job, see my notes on conducting a background check.