Monday, July 12, 2010

Laws against child names

Let's face it, foreigners are not very good at naming products for American consumption:

In America we have freedom of speech and we are free to give our kids all sorts of offensive names, including the legend of the baby girl named “Urine”.

See my list of non-recommended baby names for foreigners who may work with English speaking professionals.

- Crappy names: Avoid all names that begin with “shit” like Shital and Shitaqua. I also recommend avoiding any name that begins with the letters “ass” like Astrid.

- Hippie Names: Names like Trip and Freek should be discouraged.

- Body part names: Avoid names that sound like body fluids like Spooge and Dooshe, and never give names that sound like breasts like Maboob or Titt.

- Genital names: Avoid giving baby names that describe naughty bits, names like Butt, Wang, Balldeep, Baal, Nad, Vergina, Cherry and, or course, Furpie.

- Homonym names: Avoid names that sound funky when pronounced, names like Fu Kiu, Don Key, Maiballs, and Wang Kerr.

Given this mess, it should not be a surprise that many countries have laws against giving your child a silly name.

Living without freedom to Name

I truly feel bad for people who live in countries with no personal freedom to give a child a traumatic name, where evey child name must be approved by their dictatorships.

This CNN article lists countries who control how children are named.

- In Sweden, it’s against the law to name your child Metallica, Superman, Veranda, Ikea or Elvis . . .

- In New Zealand, it’s illegal to name your child Stallion, Yeah Detroit, Fish and Chips, Twisty Poi, Keenan Got Lucy, Sex Fruit, Satan or Adolf Hitler.