Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Why America has no Field Marshalls

There is a funny reason why the United States has no Field Marshalls!

During WWII the Allied command expanded to over a million servicemen and we needed higher ranks to keep-up the expanding military infrastructure!

When America decided that we wanted to have five star generals, the top brass debated on the names for this new super-duper mega Über general.

The 5 star general insignia

The Europeans used the term “Field Marshall”, but American generals objected for several reasons:

- It’s European
- It sounds stupid, like a sheriff standing out in a pasture
- General George Marshall objected

But the real reason why we have no Field Marshalls was General George Marshall. When they talked about calling the new rank a Field Marshall, in a fit of rage he thundered:

“There is no way in hell that I will be known as Field Marshall Marshall”.

That’s the real reason why American has no Field Marshalls!

Hence, Congress came up with the names of “General of the Army” and “Fleet Admiral”.

A General Failure

These names did not work out too well for several reasons:

- Fleet Admiral was a bad choice since it sounds too much like “Fleet Enema”.

- In 1947, the highest rank in the United States Air Force was “General of the Army”!

Hap Arnold was taught to fly by the Wright Brothers!

After the Army Air Corp had become the USAF, they had to change Hap Arnold's rank from "General of the Army" to “General of the Air Force” in 1948

By the way, the 5 star generals were never retired! Omar Bradley was a very nice man, known fondly as “the GI’s general”, kept an office at the Pentagon until his death as an elderly man!

Elderly Omar: Still working on active duty in his 90’s

But that’s not the end of the story! Five stars was not enough, there was talk of creating a six star general, and some people claim that it was actually awarded posthumously!

The six star general

Incidentally, there is a largely unknown higher rank, the six-star general, (General of the Armies, plural) which was said to have been awarded to only to Blackjack Pershing, and posthumously to George Washington as part of the 1976 bicentennial celebration.

The six star general insignia – Never worn by a living general

That’s kind of dumb, promoting a dead general. It’s like the British, who will dig up dead criminals and hang their rotted bodies . . .

Of course, asswipe "Dugout Doug" Macarthur wanted to be a six star general, just as he wanted medals for valor that he did not deserve. He got an underserved Cognressional Medal of honor for his acts of cowardice at Bataan and Corregidor, and he gave himself a Distinguished Flying Cross for a single airplane ride over Korea:

Stolen Valor: Douglas Macarthur did not deserve all of his medals

Make no mistake, General Macarthur was a monumental prick.

He once awarded LBJ a medal for doing almost nothing! Lyndon Johnson was a true Democrat, always taking handouts, like the the Silver Star get got flying as an observer a single mission (His air crew in the 22nd Bomb Group got no medals for this mission!).

Worse yet, Lyndon’s plane never even made it to the bomb site! Look at this douchebag president wearing his stolen Silver Star pin, in his famous photo of him swearing-in the day that JFK was shot:

LBJ wore his Silver Star medal, knowing that he never earned it